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Commonplace Lavatory Laughs

Toilet humor has long been the comfort zone for daily publications, and publications remain attentive of notable bog-related stories and historic moments, particularly within football. Readers were entertained to learn that a prominent writer a famous broadcaster owns a West Bromwich Albion-inspired toilet in his house. Spare a thought about the Tykes follower who interpreted the restroom a little too literally, and was rescued from a deserted Oakwell following dozing off in the toilet midway through a 2015 losing match by Fleetwood. “His footwear was missing and couldn't find his phone and his hat,” elaborated an official from the local fire department. And everyone remembers during his peak popularity at Manchester City, the controversial forward popped into a local college to use the facilities in 2012. “His luxury car was stationed outside, before entering and requesting the location of the toilets, then he went to the teachers’ staff room,” a student told the Manchester Evening News. “After that he was just walking around the college grounds as if he owned it.”

The Restroom Quitting

Tuesday marks 25 years to the day that Kevin Keegan resigned as the England coach following a short conversation in a toilet cubicle with FA director David Davies in the bowels of Wembley, after the notorious 1-0 loss by Germany in 2000 – England’s final match at the famous old stadium. As Davies remembers in his diary, his confidential FA records, he stepped into the wet beleaguered England dressing room immediately after the match, only to find David Beckham in tears and Tony Adams “fired up”, the two stars urging for the suit to bring Keegan to his senses. Following Dietmar Hamann’s free-kick, Keegan moved wearily along the passageway with a thousand-yard stare, and Davies located him seated – reminiscent of his 1996 Liverpool behavior – within the changing area's edge, saying quietly: “I'm leaving. This isn't for me.” Collaring Keegan, Davies worked frantically to rescue the scenario.

“Where could we possibly locate for confidential discussion?” recalled Davies. “The tunnel? Crawling with television reporters. The changing area? Crowded with emotional footballers. The bathing section? I couldn't conduct an important discussion with the team manager as squad members entered the baths. Only one option presented itself. The restroom stalls. A significant event in English football's extensive history took place in the vintage restrooms of an arena marked for removal. The approaching dismantling was nearly palpable. Leading Kevin into a compartment, I secured the door behind us. We stayed there, eye to eye. ‘You cannot persuade me,’ Kevin stated. ‘I'm gone. I'm not suitable. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I can’t motivate the players. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Aftermath

And so, Keegan resigned, subsequently confessing he considered his period as Three Lions boss “soulless”. The two-time European Footballer of the Year stated: “I found it hard to fill in the time. I began working with the visually impaired team, the deaf team, working with the ladies team. It's an extremely challenging position.” English football has come a long way in the quarter of a century since. Regardless of improvement or decline, those Wembley restrooms and those twin towers are no longer present, although a German now works in the dugout where Keegan once perched. Thomas Tuchel’s side are among the favourites for next year's international tournament: National team followers, value this time. This exact remembrance from a low point in English football acts as a memory that circumstances weren't consistently this positive.

Real-Time Coverage

Join Luke McLaughlin at 8pm BST for women's football cup news regarding Arsenal versus Lyon.

Quote of the Day

“There we stood in a long row, clad merely in our briefs. We were Europe’s best referees, top sportspeople, examples, mature people, mothers and fathers, resilient characters with great integrity … but no one said anything. We hardly glanced at one another, our looks wavered slightly nervously while we were called forward two by two. There Collina observed us from top to bottom with an ice-cold gaze. Quiet and watchful” – former international referee Jonas Eriksson discloses the embarrassing processes match officials were formerly exposed to by previous European football refereeing head Pierluigi Collina.

Football Daily Letters

“What does a name matter? There’s a poem by Dr Seuss called ‘Too Many Daves’. Have Blackpool suffered from Too Many Steves? Steve Bruce, along with aides Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been removed from their positions. Does this conclude the club's Steve fixation? Not exactly! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie stay to oversee the primary team. Full Steve ahead!” – John Myles

“Now you have loosened the purse strings and awarded some merch, I've opted to write and share a brief observation. Ange Postecoglou claims he started conflicts in the schoolyard with youngsters he expected would overpower him. This self-punishing inclination must explain his decision to join Nottingham Forest. As an enduring Tottenham follower I'll remain thankful for the second-year silverware however the sole second-year prize I envision him securing along the Trent, should he survive that period, is the second division and that would be quite a challenge {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|